Have you ever looked at the meaning of the word compromise? 

Compromising is the conscious form of repressing a wish or idea and to accept it as unrecognizable and unfulfilled. 

Compromising emotionally is one of my most significant weaknesses. For example, I have been happily single for a while. The mere idea of compromising my living space, sharing my bathroom and closet, compromising my wants, desires, and aspirations, to concede them to someone else makes me physically sick. The thought makes my heart pound, and I start sweating. I get a full-blown panic attack with the idea of compromising emotionally. It might sound a bit melodramatic, but compromising is a big deal for a person who has been independent and self-minded since childhood. I feel it leaves me vulnerable to someone else’s will. But that is not always the case.

Self-compromising is an internal agreement you make with yourself and others. It helps you to adapt while conceding to other’s demands. It is a self-understanding between your inner defense mechanisms, wants, desires, and capacity to create appropriate responses to the world’s demands and any unwanted shifting situation. Self-compromising gives you the ability to modify and adjust your needs to deal with the requirements of others. Keep in mind that you are most likely to make hundreds of self-compromising decisions every day without being aware of most of them.

So, how do you do it? By cognitively adapting your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors to respond to unfamiliar dynamic circumstances. It is a process of the mind that occurs subconsciously channeled by your sentiments and will.

Adaptability is an element of emotional intelligence that gives you the flexibility to compromise throughout the process of reacting, resisting, understanding, and accepting your environment. It is during the acceptance process where self-compromising occurs.

Iberkis Faltas

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.


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Have you ever experienced feelings of abandonment, even if for a brief second?

Abandonment reactions are different for every person. Those are feelings of emotional deprivation born from the loss of expected support. For the most part, these types of feelings are followed by an emotional sense of loneliness. In some people, it could be reflected as emotional anger, sadness, or disappointment. 

These emotions are experienced stronger in children and young adults due to their inability to identify, understand, and communicate their emotions precisely.

In adults, emotional reactions to the feeling of abandonment are, for the most part, triggered by the loss of an expectation or the loss of support from whom you might have had any form of dependency.

You will not know the amount of dependency you have in someone unless you do an honest and truthful self-evaluation, putting your self-defenses to the side.

The sense of abandonment is easier to manage when you have knowledge and awareness of your emotions, wants, and needs. You must understand the level of dependency you are putting in others to comprehend the influence that such loss may have on your emotional behavior.

Unfortunately, It is easy to get lost, spiraling up into a hurricane of confusing emotions when you don’t know what those emotions mean to you. Take some time to get to know yourself and to learn where your dependencies rest.

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.

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