Word Blindness

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Maria’s husband used to call her useless, incompetent, pathetic, fat, bad mother, inept, clumsy, and more. It did not matter what she did. Her actions were never enough.After her husband left her for another woman, Maria struggled to find her own identity, as it was stolen from her.

Chloé decided that the constant fights between her and her husband, the verbal aggressions, and emotional abuse, was an unhealthy living situation to raise her children. So, after years of trying, she filed for divorce and left her husband.After leaving her husband, her mother told her she was a bad mother for separating her children from their father. Since then, Chloé has always continued to question her choices, as her mother’s words left a mark that she hasn’t been able to leave behind.

Ross was thirteen when her adoptive father told her, “don’t call me dad because I am not your father.” He was angry when he said those words to her. Upon hearing those words, something broke inside of her. She was hurt badly, as she was the only father she knew. After her father’s anger wore away, he apologized profusely, but the emotional damage was already done. She forgave him. But she was never able to forget what happened or call him dad once again.

Think about your emotions like titanium and glass simultaneously. Emotions can give you all the strength you need to fight, but when broken, it can never be fixed, leaving behind a crack that you will always be able to see, feel, and remember.

While breaking glass with frequency sounds might take a lot, it can be done. If the wave sound force is strong enough, over time, the caused vibration could become so large that it could break it. The same happens with words. Over time, if the meaning of the words you frequently hear are hurtful enough, they will break you to the point of no return.

Unfortunately, painful recollections of words are stored in your brain. It becomes a source of information tightly connected to your reality, playing an interesting role in the relationship between your body, mind, and self-. Hurtful words leave behind tremendous emotional and psychological.

The profound, near-total, or total impairment of one’s ability to perceive the effect of one’s verbal communication is what I call word-blindness, denoting a lack of awareness and discernment that hurtful words have in others.

Dr. Iberkis Faltas

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GRIEVING

When someone leaves us, either because that person dies or because that person abandons us, there is an unbearable emotional pain we have to deal with. Our first reaction is denial. We refuse to accept what just happened. After, we recognize what happened, and that denial turns to anger with God, ourselves, and others. After that, the grief and emotional soreness push us to negotiate with destiny itself. We ask why? What could we have done better? What can we change in return for our life as it was? We’ll do anything to seek a compromise between what we just lost, the pain, and reality. When we realize that life does not always go the way we want, we become depressed, discouraged, and sad, hopelessness overcomes our motivations, and our morality goes low. We want to be isolated. We don’t want to see or talk to anyone. We seek to be apart from everyone. We only want to relive our memories over and over. After a while, we understand that there was nothing we could have done to prevent what happened, and finally, we start the process of accepting our new reality. After accepting our new reality, we compromise and start building and embracing our new future.

The grieving process is a normal process of dealing with losing a loved one, either to death, abandonment, or separation. Denying or hiding our emotions makes the healing process longer and unendurable. Acknowledging how important someone was in our lives, understanding that the person is no longer there, and recognizing that such a person will always be part of our memories, but not our future is a healthy healing process. It gives us the wisdom and strength we need to start redesigning our new future.

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.

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Source:

Book: On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

ADAPTABILITY

Have you ever looked at the meaning of the word compromise? 

Compromising is the conscious form of repressing a wish or idea and to accept it as unrecognizable and unfulfilled. 

Compromising emotionally is one of my most significant weaknesses. For example, I have been happily single for a while. The mere idea of compromising my living space, sharing my bathroom and closet, compromising my wants, desires, and aspirations, to concede them to someone else makes me physically sick. The thought makes my heart pound, and I start sweating. I get a full-blown panic attack with the idea of compromising emotionally. It might sound a bit melodramatic, but compromising is a big deal for a person who has been independent and self-minded since childhood. I feel it leaves me vulnerable to someone else’s will. But that is not always the case.

Self-compromising is an internal agreement you make with yourself and others. It helps you to adapt while conceding to other’s demands. It is a self-understanding between your inner defense mechanisms, wants, desires, and capacity to create appropriate responses to the world’s demands and any unwanted shifting situation. Self-compromising gives you the ability to modify and adjust your needs to deal with the requirements of others. Keep in mind that you are most likely to make hundreds of self-compromising decisions every day without being aware of most of them.

So, how do you do it? By cognitively adapting your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors to respond to unfamiliar dynamic circumstances. It is a process of the mind that occurs subconsciously channeled by your sentiments and will.

Adaptability is an element of emotional intelligence that gives you the flexibility to compromise throughout the process of reacting, resisting, understanding, and accepting your environment. It is during the acceptance process where self-compromising occurs.

Iberkis Faltas

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.

www.linkedin.com/in/iberkisfaltas

https://www.instagram.com/iberkisfaltas

ABANDONMENT

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Have you ever experienced feelings of abandonment, even if for a brief second?

Abandonment reactions are different for every person. Those are feelings of emotional deprivation born from the loss of expected support. For the most part, these types of feelings are followed by an emotional sense of loneliness. In some people, it could be reflected as emotional anger, sadness, or disappointment. 

These emotions are experienced stronger in children and young adults due to their inability to identify, understand, and communicate their emotions precisely.

In adults, emotional reactions to the feeling of abandonment are, for the most part, triggered by the loss of an expectation or the loss of support from whom you might have had any form of dependency.

You will not know the amount of dependency you have in someone unless you do an honest and truthful self-evaluation, putting your self-defenses to the side.

The sense of abandonment is easier to manage when you have knowledge and awareness of your emotions, wants, and needs. You must understand the level of dependency you are putting in others to comprehend the influence that such loss may have on your emotional behavior.

Unfortunately, It is easy to get lost, spiraling up into a hurricane of confusing emotions when you don’t know what those emotions mean to you. Take some time to get to know yourself and to learn where your dependencies rest.

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.

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