ADAPTABILITY

Have you ever looked at the meaning of the word compromise? 

Compromising is the conscious form of repressing a wish or idea and to accept it as unrecognizable and unfulfilled. 

Compromising emotionally is one of my most significant weaknesses. For example, I have been happily single for a while. The mere idea of compromising my living space, sharing my bathroom and closet, compromising my wants, desires, and aspirations, to concede them to someone else makes me physically sick. The thought makes my heart pound, and I start sweating. I get a full-blown panic attack with the idea of compromising emotionally. It might sound a bit melodramatic, but compromising is a big deal for a person who has been independent and self-minded since childhood. I feel it leaves me vulnerable to someone else’s will. But that is not always the case.

Self-compromising is an internal agreement you make with yourself and others. It helps you to adapt while conceding to other’s demands. It is a self-understanding between your inner defense mechanisms, wants, desires, and capacity to create appropriate responses to the world’s demands and any unwanted shifting situation. Self-compromising gives you the ability to modify and adjust your needs to deal with the requirements of others. Keep in mind that you are most likely to make hundreds of self-compromising decisions every day without being aware of most of them.

So, how do you do it? By cognitively adapting your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors to respond to unfamiliar dynamic circumstances. It is a process of the mind that occurs subconsciously channeled by your sentiments and will.

Adaptability is an element of emotional intelligence that gives you the flexibility to compromise throughout the process of reacting, resisting, understanding, and accepting your environment. It is during the acceptance process where self-compromising occurs.

Iberkis Faltas

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.

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ABANDONMENT

Photo source: http://www.apa.com

Have you ever experienced feelings of abandonment, even if for a brief second?

Abandonment reactions are different for every person. Those are feelings of emotional deprivation born from the loss of expected support. For the most part, these types of feelings are followed by an emotional sense of loneliness. In some people, it could be reflected as emotional anger, sadness, or disappointment. 

These emotions are experienced stronger in children and young adults due to their inability to identify, understand, and communicate their emotions precisely.

In adults, emotional reactions to the feeling of abandonment are, for the most part, triggered by the loss of an expectation or the loss of support from whom you might have had any form of dependency.

You will not know the amount of dependency you have in someone unless you do an honest and truthful self-evaluation, putting your self-defenses to the side.

The sense of abandonment is easier to manage when you have knowledge and awareness of your emotions, wants, and needs. You must understand the level of dependency you are putting in others to comprehend the influence that such loss may have on your emotional behavior.

Unfortunately, It is easy to get lost, spiraling up into a hurricane of confusing emotions when you don’t know what those emotions mean to you. Take some time to get to know yourself and to learn where your dependencies rest.

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.

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PERSONALITY and CHARACTER = DENIALS OR ACCEPTANCES

Your personality makes you who you are and how others see you and perceive you. Your personality is also the framework others use to judge you, appraise you, and build any form of relationship with you. It is also the one cognitive characteristic people use to reject you and deny you any possible opportunity to fulfill your goals and dreams. Unfortunately, for the most part, the way you perceive your personality is not usually the way others perceive you.

Your personality is the blueprint and foundation of your past, present, and future.

Your cognitive character forms your personality, and it is intrinsically linked to your emotions, behavior, wants, and needs. Your character classifies the basics of your personality traits, your attitudes, and behavioral patterns. It is what makes you unique in your own ways. Like fingerprints, no two people have the same personality as these traits have outstanding cognitive characteristics that will make them unique and different from the rest of the world.

Being aware of what drives your behavior, emotions, and choices is the first step to learning who you are and what you want.

Although learning about yourself could feel at times overwhelming, that information will give you the much-needed foundation to make responsible choices. By responsible choices, I do not mean choices required or accepted by general social standards but choices that will make you accountable and reliable of your own decisions by your own standards. It seems pointless to mention that those standards are based on your moral and civic principles, as well as your customs, culture, system habits, motives, and convictions.

With it, you have built a unique defense mechanism. That defense mechanism is an unconscious reaction working full-time for your ego. It is that defense mechanism, your ego, and your emotions that protect you from external conflicts. At times, such a defense mechanism might inhibit you from accepting reality as it is perceived by the reasonableness of most people in our society. As such, the denial or self-negation of one’s reality does not allow you to perceive the truthful nature and consequences of one’s and other’s actions.

A defense mechanism is a normal means of surviving and coping with the problems you face everyday and the actions you see and perceive as a threat against you. Knowing yourself gives your unconscious self-defense mechanisms the freedom to make decisions based on the truth of the facts, rather than perception and wishfully thinking. Self-awareness gives you a better understanding of your actions and needs, which can provide you with a better control of your life as you want it now and as it morphoses to interconnect with your future.

Your personality and cognitive characters are connected to your emotions. Be smart about it and learn the characters that make you who you are. It is a rough road to drive, which makes it the most rewarding when you get there.

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.

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Something we frequently forget

laughter: A vocal expression of amusement, enjoyment, or derision, characterized by inspiratory and expiratory movements occurring in rapid succession. Laughter is pleasurable because it serves to release tension built up when people listen to an amusing story or watch an amusing event. Laughter may also result when states of threat occur in a safe context or from an abrupt resolution of a cognitive incongruity. In psychoanalytic theory, laughter may be viewed as a defense against crying or embarrassment. Unrestrained or paroxysmal laughing spells have been found to precipitate cataplectic attacks, to be a common manifestation in manias, and to be an occasional symptom of psychomotor seizures among children (APA.com).

Create the habit of practicing laughing–even if about yourself–now and then. A laugh will change how you see and perceive those around you as you become more self-aware of your strengths. Some might view a laugh as a manifestation of weakness or a vague expression of the mind. Instead, laughter is an expression of the soul that should be appreciated, understood, and welcomed tenfold because, without it, our world becomes dark and shadowed by sorrow and difficulties.

Iberkis Faltas, Ph.D.

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