NARCISSISTIC personality

Narcissism Subtypes

As I sat on the train, in the middle of my commute (very inappropriately), listening to the couples’ conversation next to me, it occurred to me that she didn’t have a clue she might have been dealing with a passive-aggressive narcissistic. As soon as I got home, I decided to write about the most common and “obvious” characteristics of a narcissistic. Of course, to have complete certainty a person has a narcissistic personality, one needs much more than ‘eavesdropping’ on a conversation during a commute. But the below information will give you an idea where to point your “awareness-antennas” so you don’t miss the broadcasting signals of a narcissistic.

To Recognize a Narcissistic, you first need to know narcissism. Often, we see that people with external dominating personalities might be overwhelmed by their internal insecurities. When that happens, people tend to externalize those inner insecurities by camouflaging them with passive-aggressive behavior, demanding, and sometimes commanding the characteristics and skills that they lack within themselves. Often, those people tend to have narcissistic personalities. 

To recognize narcissism, you first need to understand what narcissism means.

Narcissism means excessive self-love topped with a heavy dose of selfishness, self-worship, and egocentrism. It is taking one’s own ego as the object and main focus of your purposes. It is a pattern of traits and behaviors characterized by an excessive self-concern and overvaluation of the self. In general, narcissistic sentiments, e.g., “I need compliments,” “I am special,” “I am perfection,’ are best described by patterns of responses believed to reveal the degree to which the person possesses each of the following characteristics: an uncontrollable need of authority, a feeling of entitlement, a need of exhibitionism, implicativeness, perception of self-sufficient supremacy, am overwhelming sense of superiority and vanity. These traits represent a mix of adaptive and maladaptive attributes that reflect one’s inability to maintain an internal self-positive image and sense of personal purpose and meaning. The lack of personal and emotional fulfillment turns into a need to attack others, as well as an omnipotent urgency to make others feel nothing but less than themselves. 

In the narcissist’s perception, their emotions are primarily invested in the ego. The main interest is self-preservation, with little concern for others, as their superego dictates their actions and reactions.

Narcissism is often related to a more profound personality disorder which often can be recognized by the following characteristics: a long-standing pattern of grandiose self-importance and an exaggerated sense of talent and achievements; fantasies of unlimited power, brilliance, or beauty; an exhibitionistic need for attention and admiration; either cool indifference or feelings of rage, humiliation, or emptiness as a response to criticism, indifference, or defeat; and various interpersonal disturbances, such as feeling entitled to special favors, taking advantage of others, and inability to empathize with the feelings of others. The narcissistic don’t understand the meaning of compromising and focuses their manipulation and control on obtaining what they want and nothing less.

Their wants are an essential part of their functioning and hence, their behavioral practices. They point their fingers in every direction and often choose death rather than acknowledging and accepting self-wrongdoing. They will do everything in their power to make you feel less worthy than themselves while making you believe they are doing you a favor with their egocentric behavior. 

Look around you and learn to recognize narcissistic behavior. Use your emotional awareness to recognize and use that information to make logical, reasonable decisions. You must be aware of how the other person’s narcissistic behavior influences your own.  

When you think of narcissistic behavior, think of it as if it was a Tsunami: build from a series of emotional waves caused by emotional displacement, followed by effusive emotional eruptions and explosive behavior, threatening to destroy everything and everyone around.

You must learn how to recognize the symptoms, and YOU MUST walk away when you still have a chance.

Dr. Faltas

Weaponizing Your Emotions

Photo credit: Benjavisa/Getty Images

We are terrestrial animals. There are a few things that make us different from the other animal species: We have an erect posture, are omnivores, use bipedal locomotion, have high manual dexterity, and for the most part, can use a more open-ended complex language to communicate. We have a larger, more complex brain with a limbic system interconnected by a neurological structure. That limbic system is responsible for our behavioral and emotional responses. Although sometimes it might look otherwise, we can use reasoning in our actions. We also have the ability to control our impulses and desires, and sometimes, we can forgo immediate satisfaction in favor of longer-term goals.

Humans and animals have a few things in common: both are territorial creatures, driven by instincts. Like undomesticated animals, sometimes, we—meaning humans—also fail to control our instincts.

Something that can make us lose control is our emotions. Automatic reactions to our emotions come from an innate, biological force that impels us to do something, to perform, act or respond in a particular manner very specific to the stimuli in front of us. Also, we can have an automatic, instinctive reaction to any predisposition or motivational force.

Animal and human, likewise, have an automatic response when feeling threatened. One of the most powerful emotions one can experience is fear. This includes the fear of losing emotional control over others.

What happens when the fear of losing emotional control takes over reasoning? We become cursed selfish, egocentric mortals, incapable of rational thinking. More often than not, if we cannot control our emotions, rather than flight, we stay and fight. We let the impulsivity and anxiety that come with fear take over reasoning. We bawl, kick, and scream bloody murder, overcome by a false sense of grandiose power with an exaggerated nonfigurative sense of entitlement.

When that happens, we make everyone involved miserably hopeless, including ourselves. A person can live 21 days without food and water. But a person cannot survive one day without hope. We then become depressed and discouraged, lacking motivation even to breathe, less so to move on.

Here is the thing. Those out-of-control emotions are unpleasant and physically painful. They leave us physically exhausted and emotionally shattered. Uncontrolled emotions are self-destructive because they often lead us to detrimental actions.

Uncontrolled emotions are also a weapon because they can cause significant physical and emotional damage.

Here are a few things that can help us not to weaponize our emotions:

  • Learn how to be honest with yourself because being truthful and upright with yourself will help you to communicate with others, deal with conflicting ambivalent or guilt-ridden attitudes.
  • Recognize your feelings and emotions. Call your emotions by their names. Naming your emotions gives you the control and capacity to analyze and evaluate your emotional states and use that information to make reasonable-sounding decisions.
  • Become a self-agent and self-negotiate with your emotions. Self-compromise. It represents an emotional conciliation between the demands of your ego, defenses, and unconscious wishes. It also protects you and others from emotional uncertainties, feelings of anxiety, and conscious or unconscious apprehensions.

Dr. Iberkis Faltas

Twitter: @imfaltas


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